Double the Trouble, Double the Joy
by eclaire291
Summary: Lady Catherine de Bourgh is in a rage over Mr. Bingley's engagement to Jane Bennet. How will she react after hearing rumor of yet another engagement?


Title: Double the Joy, Double the Trouble  
Characters/Pairings: Lady Catherine de Bourgh, Mr. Collins, and Charlotte  
Author's Notes: I originally wrote this for a British Literature class I took in high school. This is supposed to take place between the end of Chapter 55 and the beginning of Chapter 56.  
Disclaimer: I don't own "Pride and Prejudice." If I did, my name would be Jane Austen and I'd be dead right now, not writing fanfiction.

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**Double the Trouble, Double the Joy**

Lady Catherine de Bourgh entered her drawing room and dourly cast her eye around searching for Mr. Collins. She spotted him at the desk, scribbling away as Charlotte dictated a letter to him. Sweeping into the room, she pulled off her bonnet revealing wayward white curls and shoved the bonnet into Charlotte's hands. She proceeded to untie the string of her traveling cloak and held it out to Charlotte with stiff indignantly, her eyes sharply pouring over the room.

"Lady Catherine, I did not think you would return from Netherfield so soon," Charlotte cried in surprise as she quickly handed Lady Catherine's traveling clothes to the maid who had just entered the room.

Throwing down his pen, Mr. Collins jumped to his feet and nervously made an exaggerated bowing gesture.

"Oh, do sit down," Lady Catherine said sharply.

Mr. Collins collapsed into the chair once again, mumbling apologies. Charlotte pretended to be busy retrieving the pen that had fallen off the desk but was really rolling her eyes.

Lady Catherine stiffly sat on the sofa ad looked around the room. The walls were covered in portraits and pictures of her well-respected predecessors. Avoiding Lady Catherine's haughty gaze, the maid hurried out of the kitchen carrying a tea tray. Picking up the handcrafted china, Lady Catherine daintily stirred some sugar into her Earl Grey.

"What of Mr. Bingley?" Charlotte asked politely.

Lady Catherine inhaled and then closed her eyes as if the mere memory was painful. She slowly opened her eyes again and took a sip of tea. A scone covered in fresh apricot jam was on a small plate on the tray. Setting down her tea, she called to the retreating maid.

"What is this?"

"Ma'am?" The maid approached hesitantly to examine the seemingly offensive scone.

"Apricot jam? I thought I made it clear that apricot was only for guests."

The maid hurriedly gathered together the tray of scones and disappeared into the kitchen to find a more acceptable offering. While in the kitchen, the maid found to her dismay that the only jam left was apricot. The only other suitable spread was churned butter.

Meanwhile Charlotte had continued dictating her letter to Mr. Collins, thinking Lady Catherine meant to ignore her polite inquiry regarding Mr. Bingley. Mr. Collins was timidly writing the letter, glancing up every so often as if expecting Lady Catherine to admonish him.

"Mr. Bingly is to marry Miss Jane Bennet," Lady Catherine finally answered with an indignant sniff. She took another sip of her tea and gazed severely at Charlotte as if she were at fault for this engagement.

Charlotte forgot herself for a moment and clapped her hands together. "Oh! Mr. Bingley and Jane! How wonderfully right. Dear, we must pay them our regards. Write Lizzy and tell her we congratulate Jane with her good fortune."

Lady Catherine raised an eyebrow. "You're writing Miss Elizabeth Bennet?"

"It seems there might well be a double wedding," Mr. Collins remarked with an undecided smile. The smile faltered as soon as he caught sight of the dark look on Lady Catherine's face.

It was as if she had sucked on a lemon. Her hands trembled as she set down her saucer and cup. Mr. Collins abandoned his pen once again and jumped to Lady Catherine's aid. She hit him against the side of the head with her napkin and waved him away. He quickly took vigil next to her, offering to get more scones and asking if she was quite all right.

"Double wedding?" she finally asked, her voice icy.

"Surely you've h-heard, Lady Catherine. Mr. Darcy and dearest cousin Elizabeth have been courting," Mr. Collins informed her. He was quickly forced to his feet to avoid enduring another whack from Lady Catherine's napkin.

"Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy? How absurd."

At that moment, the maid returned carrying fresh scones with a small bowl of churned butter beside them. "Ma'am, I—"

Whatever was about to be said was abruptly cut off as Lady Catherine stood up, her nostrils flaring as if she were part dragon.

"I will not allow it! My nephew will not marry that impertinent girl. She has tricked him, I'm sure of it. I already believe Mr. Bingley has made a grave error. My nephew shalt not be likewise corrupted. The wedding must not take place."

She turned to the flabbergasted maid. "Well? Don't stand there gaping so. It is most undignified. Make yourself useful and tell the driver to bring round the carriage."

The maid hurried away, tray in hand. Charlotte grabbed the letter from the desk and held it out to Lady Catherine. "Since you're going to visit the Bennets, would you give Lizzy my letter?"

Lady Catherine sniffed once again and then left the room in a whirlwind of skirts and snubbed anger. Charlotte glanced at her husband with halfhearted scorn. "You need not have even brought up the subject in the first place." Then she smiled and grabbed Mr. Collins' hand, pulling him to his feet. "Oh, Lizzy is getting married to Mr. Darcy," she sang happily as Lady Catherine entered the waiting carriage outside.


End file.
